Zozo Roboto

Cold turkey quitting for awhile. This will be nice. I hear that, in the case of cigarettes, the...

Thu, 16 May 2013 18:42:45 -0500

Cold turkey quitting for awhile.
This will be nice. I hear that, in the case of cigarettes, the urges only last two minutes, so I’ll be testing how long Internet urges last and how frequent they are.

Trans* Ettiquite for Non Trans* People

Wed, 15 May 2013 02:22:24 -0500

Dear friends,

I have picked you well for your kindness and respect, but just in case, I would like you to know some Trans* etiquette. It is imperative that you know this, because you will meet Trans* people, and you will know people who will botch things up.

Do not ask “what’s your ‘real’ name” or “what name did your parents give you.” This is a very unpleasant question. It’s extremely insulting and invalidating, like saying “nah, you’re still a ____ underneath your new name/clothes/identity”. If anyone you see do this, tell them to stop immediately.

Do not ask “so are you a boy or a girl.” This may seem weird to you, someone who’s never had their gender questioned, prodded, and worked for, but gender isn’t really your business. Most people fit themselves into the “masculine boy” and “feminine or masculine girl,” but really, if you can’t tell, don’t ask. It’s insulting, because Transgender people want you to take them as they are, not as their label. A way around this which gives so much more respect to the Trans* person is to ask “what are your pronouns.” This allows you to say “He/She/Ze/They/etc.” accurately, without causing the person distress and insult. And no matter who you talk to, you must use these pronouns. It’s degrading and invalidating to call a person by any other pronoun than what they want.

Do not get weirded out by people who are Transgender, or really anyone who isn’t your average able-bodied heterosexual cisgendered (boy mind + penis, or girl mind + vulva). I know people can get that awkward period after learning someone is homosexual or transgender, but that always dissipates. Me and my dearest friends have felt that odd “rework how you see this person in your mind” time, even though the personality hasn’t changed at all. But after you hang out with queer after queer, being absolutely chill with queer people is second nature and it’s not even something you feel weird about learning anymore.

Do not expect people to be open to you about giving lots of historical details of themselves. Being transgender is surprisingly difficult (which is not so surprising once you take a good long look from our point of view), and it has a lot of negative emotions attached to it. There’s something called “dysphoria” which is a persistent, reoccurring stress a person feels when they don’t feel their body matches up with their mind. There is something called “fear” which is a thing felt when you don’t know if your family, friends, or strangers will turn their backs on you if you tell them you are transgender. There is a sucky feeling not looking how you want to look, and not having the body you need to have for the dysphoria to stop, and not being respected or understood by almost everyone. We would rather not bring those bad feelings up, so it’s best to leave our past in the past where we want it. There are many blogs, websites, and resources online for you to catch a glimpse of our lives.

Finding a mate

Wed, 15 May 2013 01:47:08 -0500

For all those who aren’t gentle, guys take that to scary extremes. The guy doesn’t leave the girl alone, not even after she says no so many times. While it seems endearing that the guy is so devoted and won’t give up on her, it’s simply not taking no for an answer. Sometimes I feel afraid that the only way to find a lover is if they constantly try to knock themselves into my boundaries until I start liking them. No, I want to fall in love as they fall in love with me as we both are drawn towards each other. And yet, this concept seems, and feels, foreign to most. Even typing it out feels not completely right, even when it completely is.

Finding a mate

Wed, 15 May 2013 01:46:37 -0500

My dad says to my brother “Keep trying, keep trying!” and to me he says “Keep telling them no, keep telling them no.” Because my brother and I are gentile souls, he means “don’t lose faith if she says no: there will be someone who likes you back some day,” and “don’t feel obligated to take low quality guys just because they want you.”

With all these “Imagine your icon comforting you after your shitty or mildly stressful...

Tue, 14 May 2013 23:37:21 -0500

With all these “Imagine your icon

comforting you after your shitty or mildly stressful day
wiping away your tears and kissing you on the nose
watching a movie with you under a blanket
telling you how wonderful you are while looking deep into your eyes
eating you out

” I just feel really great because

my icon is me
I already do those things (as physically possible)

I would like to cordially give my friend a “decent human being award” for stopping...

Tue, 14 May 2013 22:18:18 -0500

I would like to cordially give my friend a “decent human being award” for stopping calling people “bitch” when I told him to stop without question.

He gave his reasons (for irony), and promptly stopped.

Fuck yesssssss.

Great night, great people, great movie. I love getting past people’s shell and getting to...

Tue, 14 May 2013 21:44:15 -0500

Great night, great people, great movie.

I love getting past people’s shell and getting to their gooey core. We talked about deep stuff, like how his parents are basically greater than a romance novel and shaped my friend into a well formed, solid person, and that illusions aren’t necessary for happiness, and how if you survive off of someone, you have the closest bonds like living in the USSR in the 70’s, unlike today’s suburban, closed-off living.

His friend was hella tall (which gives him back problems), and did four things that I didn’t really like

Ask if I was an “actual short person.” “Are you legal? I don’t wanna say midget, y’know. Under five feet, right?”
Ask what my “real name” was
“No, the ones your parents gave you”
“Oh, I’m just a curious person. I have friends of all kinds. I’m a sapiosexual.”

Yeah, well you better fucking get smart before you start falling in love with smart people.

I wonder why people get all everywhere with their emotions when they don’t get enough sleep....

Tue, 14 May 2013 00:12:35 -0500

I wonder why people get all everywhere with their emotions when they don’t get enough sleep. I’m thinking that sleep could be a massive reuptake of neurotransmitters, and they’re all just sloshing around causing massive feelings when sleep doesn’t happen. Either that, or the body doesn’t have much well-being, so it feels desperate, and so it’s more out-there and excitable, because rest begets rest, and awakeness begets awakeness.

For the Monday after I watched The Great Gatsby, I dressed up as a flapper. Not the “Party...

Mon, 13 May 2013 23:33:36 -0500

For the Monday after I watched The Great Gatsby, I dressed up as a flapper. Not the “Party City” flapper, but with a long gown, a real fur kimono shawl, flats, a headband over my forehead, and those ruby red shaped lips. Indecently, I bought the gown and the fur at my school’s theater department’s annual Halloween sale this year for 5$ apiece.

We have AP English sweaters and outside AP English sweaters that say “I Party With Jay Gatsby,” so when people asked about my gorgeousness, I said, sometimes with a sly smile and half lidded eyes, “I party with Jay Gatsby.”

I’ve been asked to do the Charleston, and I don’t know how to do the Charleston.

Me: My stomach hurts. Probably from eating ramen.

Mon, 13 May 2013 23:24:08 -0500

Me: My stomach hurts. Probably from eating ramen.
Me: I gotta offset this pain by eating cookies.
Me: Shit these Oreos are tasty.

When I was younger, I remember sitting in the back seat of my my dad’s car, with my mom...

Mon, 13 May 2013 22:56:50 -0500

When I was younger, I remember sitting in the back seat of my my dad’s car, with my mom driving (she loves driving), and asking “Daddy, what’s a virgin?”

He said “someone who hasn’t had sex.” I thought of the Virgin Mary, and then how people have this weird stressed intonation of unpleasantness when I hear people say the word “virgin” as it was a scandalous word.

“I’m a virgin, then!” I said. It felt like it was weird to say that I was a virgin when I wasn’t pubescent or post pubescent or an adult, as if that context wasn’t even there for a kid to say they are a virgin. But there it was.

The only time I didn’t get a straight answer to a definition was when I was watching Grease and there was a lyric “Hooker” was sung. I imagined a fisherman or sailor with a large fishing hook, and a pretty, gussied up lady with the fishhook in her cheek looking surprised and blankly at the camera. I knew the word was integral to the song, so I asked what it meant.

I asked to my brother (who is two years older than I) “what’s a hooker?” He said, “someone who does stuff for money.” Being a child, I took it as it was said: Someone who does stuff for money. “Stuff” wouldn’t have the coy sexual connotation until years later.

Over the summer in our day camp’s swimming pool, my brother said “I’ll give you a quarter to give me a piggy-back ride!” I love giving him piggy back rides, because it makes me feel strong and I don’t spend enough fun, siblingy time with him. So I picked him up and walked around in the water, and said to his friend nearby, “*I’m* a *hooker*!” That friend gave me a horrible look, and I knew I said something wrong, so I splashed water in his face and swam off underwater.

There’re some muscles in every pelvis called “pubococcygeus,” and it’s the...

Sat, 11 May 2013 01:44:49 -0500

There’re some muscles in every pelvis called “pubococcygeus,” and it’s the closest thing that sounds like “cock” that I have.

These muscles are the ones that holds in your pee and helps birth babies, but is also damn nice to contract during sexy times, or times you aren’t really doing anything interesting.

If you’ve got a cock, you can apparently raise your penis and balls, and strengthening your pubococc can let you have some multiple orgasms and help with not coming so fast.

This has been a friendly pubococcygeus muscle appreciation post.

Dove Deforest: Sometimes I gotta climb

Sat, 11 May 2013 00:54:51 -0500

Dove Deforest: Sometimes I gotta climb
[12:48:27 AM] Dove Deforest: through the grime
[12:48:53 AM] Dove Deforest: But this time
[12:49:04 AM] Dove Deforest: I'm gonna splash and muck around
[12:49:19 AM] Dove Deforest: because the filth can becomes the ground
[12:49:39 AM] Dove Deforest: for life's pleasures
[12:49:42 AM] Dove Deforest: which teathers
[12:50:04 AM] Dove Deforest: the beings back to reality
[12:50:10 AM] Dove Deforest: the hound
[12:50:14 AM] Dove Deforest: with no bound
[12:50:22 AM] Dove Deforest: -aries
[12:50:34 AM] Dove Deforest: does it live more or less
[12:50:37 AM] Dove Deforest: than the princess
[12:50:53 AM] Dove Deforest: who would give her leg for a recess
[12:51:05 AM] Dove Deforest: from her glass slippers
[12:51:12 AM] Dove Deforest: and glass ceilings?
[12:51:17 AM] Dove Deforest: *drops microphone*

I listened to a section of the book Social Intelligence. It spoke of different interactions, the...

Thu, 09 May 2013 23:02:44 -0500

I listened to a section of the book Social Intelligence. It spoke of different interactions, the “You, It” and the “You, Me” interaction.

The You, It is where the It is someone you’re not connecting to, you’re not making them feel heard, you’re using them to get something, or you’re just not paying attention. People use this in the service industry, in restaurants etc.

The You, Me interaction is where there’s a back and forth, continual flowing of listening, reaction, and talking. Both people feel heard, connected, and treated like the full human beings they are.

Along the way to my social worker, my father got lost, and we went to the Burger King drive-thru instead of the restaurant as we planned. When the lady gave us our bags of food, I leaned over from shotgun and gave her a wide smile, saying thank you. She beamed right back and said you’re welcome. Hers was a pleasantly surprised, genuine smile, and I’m really happy I gave her a bit of kindness and warmth. Her existence doesn’t end when she hands over the goods, and it certainly started before customers drive up to order. She’s a person, and people can treat her as a delivery robot. Not cool, people.

The Ballad of The High School Graduate

Thu, 09 May 2013 22:29:24 -0500

This is the ballad of the grad

whose grades will count no more.

The summer’s here, the shirts are plaid.

School has made you a bore.

All work, no play, makes Jack so dull.

Your APs’ done their part.

Without your sleep, you’ve wracked your skull.

Your gradebook says you’re smart.

The trees are lush: fresh leaves, buds bloom.

You run hands through the grass.

Will you find in time a dorm room?

You bet your pimply ass.

Now’s the time to see your friends

to romp and celebrate

how lounging, smiling, makes amends

for priority’s weight.

Underneath the summer’s heat

at summer homes and lakes

you laugh and holler, keeping beat

to the tempo of the flakes

of snow that falls on your heart when

you think its time to leave.

Your shivering lips start to part:

you breathe and choke and heave.

Goodbye, my friends. I kiss their cheeks.

Embraces are too short.

Again I’ll begin in some weeks

and find new friends to court.

We sputter out across the state

on foot, by car, on planes.

I carry on me a new slate.

It’s smooth without your names.

[aggressively blows you a kiss goodnight]

Thu, 09 May 2013 22:27:44 -0500

[aggressively blows you a kiss goodnight]

Ahh, there’s nothing like handsome men telling you your eyes are beautiful.

Thu, 09 May 2013 21:09:23 -0500

Ahh, there’s nothing like handsome men telling you your eyes are beautiful.

If you’re curious if the salty+sweet=heaven concept applies to Cheetos and chocolate covered...

Thu, 09 May 2013 21:03:29 -0500

If you’re curious if the salty+sweet=heaven concept applies to Cheetos and chocolate covered almonds, let me tell you how delicious it is.

For a fun summer project to consume some of my time while feeling a tad productive, I’m going...

Thu, 09 May 2013 16:55:00 -0500

For a fun summer project to consume some of my time while feeling a tad productive, I’m going to make separate blogs and post all my likes, all my 17,710 likes and counting.

I’ll need to organize them in categories.

Homestuck
Words (eg. poetry, word posts)
Clothing, Hair, Makeup, Feminism and Queerness

To keep tabs on what I’ve posted and what I haven’t, I’m going to unlike the posts I’ve reblogged. I enjoy the “timeline” like feel of having all my likes in order, but I value posting more. I enjoy combing through messy things and organizing them.

Time to master the queue. Time to experiment with pacing.

My dad put on the audio tape of the book Social Intelligence, and it spoke of this one incident when...

Wed, 08 May 2013 22:20:02 -0500

My dad put on the audio tape of the book Social Intelligence, and it spoke of this one incident when a Japanese dude went over to the states to stay with his friend and colleague.

The friend said, “We’ve got some ice cream. Are you hungry?”

The dude said, “No, thank you.” Even though he was hungry, he wasn’t at all used to that question. That in Japan, someone just looks at you and can tell you are hungry. That people have so much empathy there, they can just sense your hunger and just give you food without asking.

That the friend should have at least asked again, not just dropping it, saying, “Oh, okay.”

It made me really sad, because a good chunk of my life was me wanting to talk to people, but nobody sensed it, so I didn’t speak with them. I wasn’t alone, and I’ve always had friends, but it made me so sad to hear that people in Japan (to generalize to an unknown degree) would just look at you, sense you wanted to talk, and just talk. Looking back, that’s what people do now, and what they have always done. But, to do that so consistently like giving someone food when they sense they’re hungry… I wish that happened a lot more often.